MANAGE YOUR FEARS: ALLOW YOURSELF SPACE TO SUCCEED

 

MANAGE YOUR FEARS: ALLOW YOURSELF TO SUCCEED

Do you think you deserve the things you want? Take some time to process that question and answer it honestly. Many of us do not, so we self-sabotage and keep ourselves miserable. It is both a horrifying and a freeing idea that in the end, the only person responsible for our happiness or misery is us! 

So how do we get over our negative self-talk when it tells us we are not good enough? How do we convince ourselves we are enough? It isn’t as easy as looking into a mirror and yelling “I’m good enough!” No, we have to follow a process to give ourselves permission to succeed.

BE WILLING TO SEE IF SOMETHING IS POSSIBLE

Too often we decide that there are things that are possible and there are things that are not. Then, boom! That’s the end of it. Reality is defined. 

A much better approach is to see if something could be possible. If you get an interesting idea, try something and see if it works. If that doesn’t work, try something else! Goals are important, but you need to find a way to be happy now!

Many people, as children, start out with dreams of the things they want to be when they grow up. Maybe a scientist, or a senator, or a teacher. They start making plans, start to do the things that will set them on that course, then years later, they are doing something completely different than what they had intended to do. If asked about their dreams, later on, they may say things like:

● Life happened. 

● I didn’t have much support. 

● I grew up poor so how can I become The President? 

A lot of people become their own worst enemies. They start to believe the things that they hear from outside influences. They start to set themselves up so that they won't achieve those dreams that they had when they were children. The things that they hear in their heads aren’t something that implicitly lives there, it is years of hearing that they can’t do something. 

“Individuals often ignore their own opinion in favor of the opinions of others.” ~Markus Schöbel, Social Influences in Sequential Decision Making

Thought is powerful. The most powerful force in existence. A single thought of “I can”, will change the course of someone’s life. A single thought of  “I can’t” will do the same thing. 

MIND YOUR FEARS

When making decisions in life, we rely on the knowledge and experience of others around us, but we must keep in mind that individuals are fallible and that their experiences are a result of the decisions they have made in the past as well as the guidance and support they have received. 

Their advice is given after taking their prior experiences into account. Be careful, since fear has more than likely been the main obstacle to the dreams of the individuals we ask for assistance.

People fear that which they haven’t become. 

If someone is trying to rise above their circumstances and everyone around them is telling them that they can’t, they may believe that. 

People fear that which they aren’t. 

If someone grew up in an educated white-collar professional family and they decided that they want to be a bricklayer, those around this person may look down on them saying that’s just not what we do. 

People fear that which they don’t know. 

For example, if a new adult has grown up in a small town and has the desire to move to the city, it can be altered if those around them start to tell them horror stories about what happens in the city. After being told enough, then that dream of moving to the city disappears. 

People fear that which is different. 

If someone is trying to go outside the box of what is traditionally their lifestyle, those around them may try to manipulate the situation so that it doesn't happen. 

TAKING BACK CONTROL

Fear and thought are the controlling forces in a lot of lives. So how do you control your mind, and along with it, your destiny? It’s the simplest hardest thing you will ever do: You just do it. 

REMEMBER THESE THINGS 

● Goals are worthwhile when they have been completed.

● You are not what you think you are

● Living life is about living life, not going through the motions of existence

● Fear is a response to the unknown. To overcome fear, make the unknown, known. 

Focus on habits that keep your mood up and your relationships strong. Do stuff for you. Most importantly, make the conscious decision that you are going to be content today. Right now. It’ll take practice, but once you do it you will be free.

    

PRACTICAL STEPS TO CONTROL YOUR OWN MIND 

● JOURNAL 

Not only about your dreams and ambitions but about all of those around you that are casting doubt. Do this daily to clear the clutter in your mind 

● SET GOALS

Daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly. If you want a 5-year plan, go ahead a do that, but chances are, that 5-year plan is going to go out the window. Start reasonably and build, grow, scale.

● LEARN 

Take a class, read a book. Knowledge is freedom for your mind.

● MEDITATE

Be mindful, practice yoga, do daily affirmations, and start your day spirit filled and on a positive note. 

● TAKE ACTION

No matter what you do, always take action. Every day wake up and do something. A little progress every day is far better than no progress at all. 

● BE ACTIVE 

Sitting alone in a room all day watching your favorite streaming service is not being in control of your mind. It is the antithesis of control.

● HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF

You are the most important person in your life. Your opinion should carry the most weight. 

Don't let the fear others have, control your destiny and cast doubt on you. Take action and be the person that you have always wanted to be! 

A lot of us spend life waiting for permission from some external force to be happy. The only person we need to convince, however, is ourselves. 

A great way to start this process is simply to give yourself permission to succeed. You will find yourself seeking the help you need and following the correct steps to make stuff happen in your life.

Sister Assertiveness 101

 Sister Assertiveness 101

 

Being assertive is a skill that comes naturally to some but not to all. It’s a trait and skill that can get you far in life, when balanced evenly. However, if not kept in check, assertiveness can come across as abrasive, rude, or even mean or aggressive.

 In this article, we’re going to explore the topic of assertiveness; we’ll cover what it means to be assertive, how to become more assertive, and how to keep that assertiveness in check.

 

What does it mean to be assertive?

According to The Better Health Channel, “Being assertive means being direct about what you need, want, feel, or believe in a way that’s respectful of the views of others.” Being assertive can offer many benefits to almost every area of your life, when kept in balance.

 

For example, when you’re more assertive in the workplace, you show your superiors that you have the qualities required of a leader and the confidence necessary to go for what you need or want. In your relationship, being assertive has a whole slew of benefits.

 

First off, it can help you have the confidence to ask someone out in the first place. Secondarily, assertiveness allows you to identify and be clear about what you want and need in the relationship, improving communication between you and your partner and ensuring the healthy state of your relationship.

 

What can you do to be more assertive?

The first thing you have to do when trying to be more assertive is to make the decision to positively assert your views and yourself and commit to it. It’s not enough just to think about maybe trying to be more assertive in situations, like you think about how you really should work out more while you’re eating dessert. You have to commit to it.

 

The next step is improving your communication and listening skills. These two skills are crucial in assertiveness. You need to communicate openly and honestly with a respect for those with whom your speaking. In addition to that, you have to become an active listener.

 

Pay close attention to what people say to you, try to understand their perspective and don’t interrupt. The key to having the right balance in your assertiveness is to respect others and allow them the space to be assertive, as well.

 

Lastly, in the actual practice of assertiveness, you want to stay calm, avoid guilt tripping, and use what is referred to as “I” statements. “I” statements (I think, I feel, I know) are much more assertive and more constructive than “you” statements (you never, you always), which tend to be more harmful.

 

How can you keep your assertiveness in check?

There’s a fine line between positive assertiveness and abrasive rudeness. A good way to keep yourself in check and ensure you aren’t toeing that line is to be observant, not just of yourself but of those around you.

 

Take time throughout your day to reflect on yourself, your behavior, and your choices. Watch how others behave around you; if your loved ones seem uncomfortable with your behavior or put off by your attitude, you should examine your assertiveness and maybe make some adjustments.

 

Being assertive can get you far in life, but there’s a fine line between being positively assertive and being rude. If you keep yourself in check when working on your assertiveness and create a good balance, you can go further and be happier in your life. Assertiveness can lead to promotions, healthier relationships, and a more positive self-image. We hope we’ve helped to instruct you on and guide you through improving your assertive behavior.

Dealing With Anxiety In Today’s Turbulent World

 Dealing With Anxiety In Today’s Turbulent World

 

Okay, so besides the normal day to day hustle and immense stress of daily living in the modern world, we now have a pandemic to contend with.

 Unfortunately, dealing with anxiety has become somewhat of a normal part of life for many individuals in the world today. Although this problem is not necessarily a new phenomenon, there are certain aspects of modern times that have served to exacerbate the issue.

 Due to our world being so connected through the internet, social media and other forms of media, people today are not only exposed to the issues in their immediate environment. Instead, we are shown all of the bad things taking place across the entire globe. Furthermore, we are expected to juggle so many more responsibilities at one time, all while being as productive as possible.

 Although anxiety certain varies in intensity and frequency from person to person, there are a few ways to deal with the problem that are beneficial for anyone experiencing this issue. This article intends to discuss a few of these techniques in order to alleviate some of your anxiety, hopefully improving your overall quality of life.

 

Live In The Moment

 Although it may seem obvious when stated, the only point in time in which you will EVER exist is right now. Ironically, most of us dedicate the bulk of our mental energy into the past or future. Anxiety is great at causing us to replay past mistakes in our head and constantly worry about things that have yet to occur.

 A big part of dealing with anxiety is to live in the moment. This means focusing all of your physical and mental energy on what is going on right now. Not only does this simplify life, it also allows you to get the most out of your limited time.

 Trying to deal with your entire past and future on a constant basis makes it virtually impossible to appreciate what is right in front of you.

 

Control What You Can Control

 The truth is, many of the issues causing anxiety in your life are beyond your control. This includes global and community issues as well as problems in your personal life. 

What you need to realize is that the weight of the world is NOT on your shoulders, even though it can certainly seem like it at times. 

Anxiety tells you that you should be worried about solving problems that are way out of your hands.

 In reality, focusing on the issues that you actually have the ability to resolve is a much healthier response to a problem-filled world.

It’s Okay To Not Feel Okay

 Another side effect of anxiety is a feeling of isolation. People experiencing anxiety on a routine basis tend to feel like they are the only ones dealing with this issue.

 Because of this perspective, we often feel like everyone else is much happier than we are, like we won’t be accepted if anyone else knew the extent of our anxiety. It is so important to realize that this is far from the truth.

 Everyone around you is experiencing some degree of anxiety or mental hang up. You are far from alone. Don’t feel like you have to go through life acting as if everything is okay when it isn’t.

 

Get Help If You Need It

 Finally, if your anxiety is something you are having trouble dealing with on your own, then don’t! There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking professional help for this issue. Ironically, our society welcomes getting help for even minor physical ailments but acts as if doing the same for a serious mental issue is taboo.

 Consider this, if you had the flu, you would most certainly seek the appropriate doctor to take care of it. Why would you not seek a doctor that is medically trained in alleviating mental health issues if you are dealing with anxiety? There is help out there, get it if you need it!

5 Steps To Be More Honest With Yourself

5 Steps To Be More Honest With Yourself

If you are serious about improving yourself as a person, if you’re serious about developing yourself, then honesty is an important part of the journey. Honesty is a key aspect of developing because if you aren’t being honest with yourself, how on earth do you plan to grow?

When we choose dishonesty and delusion, we are choosing to see only what we want to. That might not sound so bad, but it means that you are ignoring a whole lot that you would prefer to avoid. It’s those things that matter the most. You’re securing short-term joy in exchange for long-term happiness.

Being more honest with yourself might be painful, but it’s a necessary part of furthering yourself. How can you be more honest with yourself?

1. Acknowledge The Bad and The Good

The thing we are guiltiest of is embracing all of the good things about life, while completely ignoring the bad. It’s a bit like social media. We watch these timelines of pure joy and bliss. That isn’t real. People only share the best bits, it’s a slideshow of someone’s life and doesn’t paint a true picture of the hardships they might face.

We do this, too, whether it’s on social media or in our own heads. It’s just easier to ignore the bad things rather than deal with them head-on. Ignoring problems won’t solve anything, if anything, it will make things worse for you in the long run. Be honest with yourself about everything good and bad in your life, that balanced view will keep you sane.

2. Take Time For Self-Reflection

At the end of each day, take a few minutes to think about how it went. Ask yourself how you did, if there’s anything you did well or could have done better. You can be honest without being overly critical or too judgmental.

This exercise isn’t about damaging your self-esteem, rather, it’s about reflecting on the day in order to make tomorrow a better one. Reflection helps you learn about yourself and it can improve your ability to solve problems, too. When you allow yourself the opportunity to analyze the day, you’re going to get a better picture of what it takes to improve.

3. We All Make Mistakes – Admit It

Every one of us so, why can’t you just admit it? It is one of the most difficult aspects of being honest with yourself. It’s easy to slip into ego protection mode and fine an excuse or someone else to blame for a mistake. That’s not going to help you build a real sense of self-esteem, though. True self-esteem, true confidence lies in being courageous enough to own up to mistakes. When you can stand up and own shortcomings you can learn and grow.

4. Get Into Your Feelings

When people say they’re caught up in their feelings it’s usually used in a negative connotation. Yet, your emotions have an important role to play in how you understand and interact with the world. Emotions aren’t the reality, but they are revealing.

When you dig deep to figure out why you feel a certain way, you’re learning about the things that tend to make you feel that way. More importantly, you’re learning how to manage and respond appropriately. This is a level of honesty that your stress levels (and social circle) will appreciate.

5. Don’t Get Caught in Analysis Paralysis

As we noted above, it’s important to take time for reflection and analyze the day. However, it’s equally as important that you don’t over-analyze. It’s easy to get carried away. You don’t need to rationalize everything or intellectualize about it.

You simply need to be matter of fact. There’s no need to create an elaborate story about why bad things happen to you. You need only to note how it is right now and move forward. You can’t understand everything that’s going on in the world, and you don’t need to. You just have to be realistic, be practical and sensible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Steps To Boost Your Motivation Skills

 5 Steps To Boost Your Motivation Skills

 

It is no secret that life can be tough. This is especially true for anyone set on living a life of fulfillment and achievement. Probably the most important intrinsic factor responsible for rising above the rest of the population is motivation. 

Motivation is the one variable that allows you to push yourself when those around you give up and seek out one challenge after another to conquer.  If you are currently experiencing a dry spell in the way of motivation or even if you have never thought of yourself as a driven individual, but would like to become one, this article is a must read.

 Here we will discuss 5 helpful steps that, in no particular order, are an effective way to enhance your overall motivation and drive to achieve the goals you have set for yourself!

 

Know Your Why

 

While it may seem obvious, knowing your reasoning and passion behind anything you pursue is critical. When you first set out on a goal or achievement, your “why” for doing so typically starts out pretty clear. However, somewhere in the grind of working towards this goal, this foundation can quickly become obscured.

 

Make no mistake; any time you are tirelessly working towards something worthwhile, no matter how important, there WILL be days in which you feel less motivated than others. Remaining conscientious of why you started in this first place serves as your second (or third, or fourth) wind to get back up and keep pushing.

 

Know Your Direction

 

Extreme motivation has a tendency to cause one to put their head down and work like a maniac. While there are times that this mindset is beneficial, some sense of direction must be maintained. Big goals rarely consist of point A and point B.

 

Instead, it is important to have a general outline in mind of each specific step towards your destination. So yes, while keeping your nose to the grindstone is a must, looking up every now and then to adjust and begin the next phase of your blueprint is the only way to continue heading in the right direction!

 

Allow Small Victories

 

No matter how much (or little) motivation you have towards a goal, failing to enjoy small successes in pursuit of the finish line is a sure fire way to run out of gas before you get there.

 

While resting on your laurels and settling for less than what you want must be avoided, depriving yourself of fulfillment along the way is also detrimental. In pursuit of your goals, take some time to reward yourself when you accomplish one of the (often many) small steps to get there.

 

You Versus You, Not You Versus Them

 

This is a step that almost all of us need to hear. Keep in mind that your goals are YOUR goals. Letting other people’s pursuits dictate what you strive for is a slippery slope. After all, you will never find the motivation required to achieve anything great without a personal conviction to do so. Whatever it is you want, the only comparison to be made is to the person you were the day before.

 

Controlled Tunnel Vision

 

Consider this fact: whatever big goal or achievement you are after most likely involves only one facet of your life. Whether this goal is career, athletic or personally oriented, the rest of your life is not going to stop while you go after it. It is inevitable that much of your motivation and energy is going to be focused on the biggest victory you are after.

 

However, I can assure you that your sense of fulfillment will be diminished upon reaching the finish line and realizing you have neglected every other facet of who you are to get there. Balance is always key. Don’t let the rest of your life fall to the wayside while you chase one dream!

 

 

Imposter Syndrome Defined and Symptoms

 Imposter Syndrome Defined and Symptoms

You really need to understand imposter syndrome so that you can confirm whether you are experiencing it or not. Everyone feels like an imposter sometimes and this is pretty natural. In this article, we will provide a definition of imposter syndrome and discuss some of the most common symptoms. As you scroll down our blog, you will find the entire series that defines they types of imposters, ways to overcome those negative feelings and how to keep them at bay. Enjoy!

What exactly is Imposter Syndrome?

Imposter syndrome is where you are regularly experiencing thoughts and feelings that you are a fraud. Please note the word “regularly” here. Experiencing these thoughts now and again is not imposter syndrome.

A person that experiences imposter syndrome will believe that they do not deserve to be where they are. This can be in a specific job position and even owning a business. Imposter syndrome can also arise in your personal life. You may feel that you do not deserve your spouse or your family for example.

When you experience imposter syndrome you are going to feel a lot more anxious than usual. You can become terrified that you will be found out as an imposter and that the consequences will be dire. Some people that suffer from imposter syndrome feel like their whole world is imploding.

There is a link to your Emotions with Imposter Syndrome

If you are experiencing imposter syndrome then this will make you feel lousy. It will change your state of mind and you can experience all kinds of negative emotions. Feeling like a fraud all of the time is not going to be pleasant.

Imposter Syndrome is Always Likely

The truth is that there are many people that are experiencing imposter syndrome right now. Experts predict that as many as 70% of the population will suffer from imposter syndrome at one point in their life. It is possible to experience it more than once.

Self-Doubt Caused by Imposter Syndrome

One of the most common symptoms with imposter syndrome is an increase in self-doubt. If you have noticed that your self-esteem has really tanked recently, this could be due to thinking that you are an imposter.

Perfectionist Tendencies

A lot of people that experience imposter syndrome start to develop perfectionist tendencies. The reason for this is likely to be that they feel they need to do everything perfectly to prove to others that they are not an imposter. Perfectionism has a lot of drawbacks. Nobody and nothing in life is perfect.

Perform Better than Others

Another symptom of imposter syndrome is the desire to always perform better than other people. Again, we believe that the rationale behind this is the need to prove that you are not a fraud. People suffering from imposter syndrome often work a lot harder than others to ensure that they are seen to be the top performer.

Imposter Syndrome can Result in Self-Sabotage

People that regularly experience feelings of being an imposter are more prone to self-sabotage. They may be progressing really well and then suddenly do something to undo all of their good work. The reason for this is that they probably have a self-confidence crisis and think that they are not good enough.

Unable to Accept Compliments

If you are experiencing imposter syndrome you may find it tough to accept compliments from others. You do not feel like you are worthy, so any compliments received can be ignored because you believe that people are just feeling sorry for you.

 

The Five Types Of Imposters

One of the most influential people in the world of imposter syndrome is Dr Valerie Young. She has written a book on the subject which is based on here research. As a result of her research, Dr Young has also identified five distinct types of imposters. This is important for you to know as it can help you to overcome imposter syndrome.

1. The Perfectionist Imposter

Some people that experience regular feelings of being a fraud will develop perfectionist tendencies. They start to believe that they need to provide proof to others that they are not an imposter and doing everything perfectly is the best way to do this.

But nothing and nobody is perfect in this world so this is doomed to failure from the start. When you are a perfectionist, it will take you a lot longer to complete anything – that’s if you can complete anything at all.

Perfectionists tend to go over their work time and time again and make tweaks to it each time in the name of perfection.  It is always likely that a perfectionist will have many unfinished tasks because they are not satisfied with the quality of the work they have done.

2. The Superhero Imposter

The superhero imposter is never too busy to take on more work. They are an overachiever and it is a way for them to prove that they are not a fraud. As a superhero imposter, you will work much longer hours than your colleagues. When you do finally go home, you will probably take some work with you.

It is rare for a superhero to take a day off because this has no meaning to them. They have trouble focusing on one thing at a time and become a jack of all trades. A superhero is a juggler that always has a lot of balls in the air.

3. The Natural Genius Imposter

This is a person that will be very good at one thing and distinctly average at everything else. They will be well-known for their specific talent and people will usually give them problems to solve in this area. But others will never learn anything from a natural genius imposter. This is because they have great difficulty explaining how they arrived at a solution.

These people usually struggle with learning new things and often believe that they are a failure because of this. If their knowledge of the one subject was ever to let them down then this would be very difficult for the natural genius to handle.

4. The Soloist Imposter

Someone that is a soloist imposter likes to work alone as much as possible. This is because they are terrified that someone else will find out that they are a fraud. A soloist can often be anti-social but not always. But they are always protective of their big imposter secret.

5. The Expert Imposter

The expert imposter is very interesting. To the rest of the world, it is obvious that the person has a lot of knowledge, but to the expert they feel like they do not have enough knowledge. When they are given a task to complete, it is likely that they will insist on performing research even though they already have all of the answers.

 

  

3 Proven Ways to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Once you have confirmed that you are experiencing imposter syndrome you will need to take steps to overcome it. Not dealing with imposter syndrome can result in disaster. It is very important that you use techniques that have been proven to work when you want to overcome imposter syndrome.

1. Neutralize Negative Thoughts

You need to understand that imposter syndrome is all in your head. The thoughts and feelings that you are experiencing about being an imposter are not based in fact. In reality you are not a fraud or an imposter, its just that your thoughts are telling you that you are.

Everything begins with thoughts. You are not going to experience bad feelings without a thought starting this off. We are what we think, and if you do not control the negative thoughts in your mind then you are not going to overcome imposter syndrome.

When you experience a negative thought that tells you that you are an imposter, you need to neutralize this. The best way to do this is to think a positive thought immediately afterwards. You need to act quickly here and not let any of the negative thoughts fester in your mind. They can soon turn into limiting beliefs if you don’t take action.

If you experience a thought that is telling you that you are an imposter because you are having difficulty completing a task for example, you can neutralize this by thinking “I will complete this task because I can do anything” or something similar to this.

It is going to take time and practice to get this right. After a while, you will find that you automatically neutralize negative thoughts with positive ones. The act of neutralizing a negative thought takes away its power so you need to persevere with this.

2. Celebrate Your Accomplishments

People that experience imposter syndrome are often quick to downplay their achievements. They believe that anyone else could have done the things that they accomplished. This is not true of course, so you need to prove to your subconscious mind that your accomplishments mean something.

While we never think that dwelling in the past is a good idea, it can help to dig in to your past to create a list of the things that you have achieved in your lifetime. Don’t even think about saying that you have never achieved anything. You certainly have and you need to dig deep to find these.

Recalling your current and recent achievements will be a lot easier and it is something that we recommend you do. As you recall each one, celebrate this in your mind. When you consistently celebrate your accomplishments, you will prove to your subconscious that you are worthy and this will negate the power of imposter syndrome.

3. Assess Your Abilities

Another effective way to overcome imposter syndrome is to make an assessment of your abilities. This is also a way to inform your subconscious mind that you are not an imposter and that you deserve to be where you are.

You need to be honest with yourself here. Grab a pen and paper and take the time out to think about your different abilities. We would always recommend that you write these down as there is power to be derived from this. Read your abilities list to yourself over and over to convince your subconscious that you are not a fraud.

 

Why Imposter Syndrome Is So Bad

 Why Imposter Syndrome Is So Bad

If you are determined to overcome imposter syndrome then you will need to use the right techniques and work on this consistently. There is no overnight miracle fix for imposter syndrome. When you know how bad imposter syndrome can be it will help to motivate you to take the necessary action to overcome it every day.

It brings a Flood of Negative Thoughts

Those that suffer from imposter syndrome will usually experience a lot of negative thoughts each day. These thoughts will constantly remind them that they are a fraud and have no place being where they are. Our world is full of negativity and it is hard enough dealing with this. Imposter syndrome just makes the situation worse.

Imposter Syndrome can cause Procrastination

One of the worst aspects of imposter syndrome is that it usually causes a lot of self-doubt. You start to doubt your ability to perform even the simplest of tasks. Complex tasks can scare you to death. When you are scared of tackling something it is a lot more likely that you will put it off until later. This is the start of procrastination.

We all procrastinate from time to time. But if you start to do this regularly then this can be a symptom of imposter syndrome. A task may overwhelm you and when you procrastinate it will make you feel a little better. The pressure of not starting the task will be there in the background though so it is not a good thing.

You will have too much Uncertainty

Your levels of uncertainty can rise dramatically if you are experiencing imposter syndrome. It is natural to be uncertain sometimes, but if you have too much uncertainty then you will find it difficult to make even the simplest of decisions.

You can Miss Out on Opportunities

When you are usually feeling that you are not good enough due to imposter syndrome you are more likely to miss out on opportunities when they present themselves. These opportunities can be right under your nose and you will not spot them.

You no longer know what you are capable of doing

A lot of people that experience imposter syndrome can end up being unable to assess what they are capable of doing. Before, they may have held the belief that they can do anything, but imposter syndrome has knocked this out of them. This is a very serious problem caused by imposter syndrome in our opinion.

Work Harder just to keep up

If you are always feeling like you are an imposter, you may start to believe that you need to work much harder than other people do just to keep up. The confidence that you had to do your job before has been eroded by imposter syndrome and now everything is going to take you a lot longer to complete.

Your Relationships can be affected by Imposter Syndrome

It is not unusual for imposter syndrome to start affecting relationships that people have. You may start to believe that your partner can do a lot better than being with you. In addition to this, you may find it hard to form new relationships as imposter syndrome makes you feel that you have nothing to offer the other person.

The Main Causes Of Imposter Syndrome

There will always be a reason for you to experience imposter syndrome. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere. One thing that you need to know right away is that imposter syndrome is not linked to any kind of modesty or humility. Let’s take a look at the main causes of imposter syndrome.

Recalling Past Failures

We have all made mistakes and done things that we regret in the past. If you dwell on these failures then this can bring on imposter syndrome. Some people are continually haunted by their past and regularly think about the mistakes they have made a long time ago.

Dwelling in the past is not a good thing to do. What is done is done. The best way to deal with the past is to learn from it. Then you need to let go. Constantly harping back to past negative events in your life can cause you a lot of stress and anxiety.

People in your Life can Trigger Imposter Syndrome

Not all of your friends will support you all of the time. The same can be true of work colleagues and even family members. Words are extremely powerful, and if you hear the wrong things from the people around you often enough this can bring on imposter syndrome.

Have you ever heard from anyone in your life that you are useless? Perhaps you were told that you would never be a success? These are the kind of comments that some people will internalize and obsess over. In some cases, this can result in a person feeling that they are not worthy.

People like to belong to groups and there can be situations where the dynamics of a group can cause imposter syndrome. If you decide that you are going to be unique in some way and stand out from the crowd, other group members may castigate you for this and make you feel insecure.

Childhood Limiting Beliefs

Your experiences from your childhood could be responsible for the onset of imposter syndrome in later life. A lot of parents push their children to do well and if they do not live up to expectations then there are often negative consequences to this.

Another thing is that an authority figure in your life as a child may have criticized you in such a way that it really left a mark. Being told that you will never amount to anything can be devastating to a child. This is especially true when it comes from parents or a teacher for example.

These days, there is a tendency for parents to “overprotect” their children. Of course, parents need to protect their kids, but if they overprotect them then they can grow up not knowing what to expect when they are an adult.

A child that has never had to deal with any challenging situations before can be really unprepared for the world. This can hit them hard and they can be subjected to negative comments from other adults. In the worst cases this can definitely trigger imposter syndrome.

You need to know what is causing Imposter Syndrome

In order for you to overcome imposter syndrome you need to know what is causing it. It can be painful trying to figure this out but it is worth the pain of doing this. Otherwise, you will only be treating the symptoms and not getting to the root cause of the problem.

Who Can Suffer From Imposter Syndrome?

The answer to this is that anyone can suffer from imposter syndrome. Your gender, race and background is unimportant. There is a myth that females are more likely to suffer from imposter syndrome than males. Evidence does not exist to support this. Imposter syndrome can be experienced by anyone at any time.

Your Personality Traits can bring on Imposter Syndrome

There has been a lot of research into imposter syndrome and one of the findings to date is that people with certain personality traits are more prone to it than others are. One study found that people who are lazy are more prone to imposter syndrome. The belief here is that lazy people are more likely to have a lot of unfinished tasks which can make them think they are not worthy.

Experts have also seen a link between those people that have low self-esteem and imposter syndrome. This is not too much of a surprise as if you do not have a good opinion of yourself then you are probably more likely to feel like an imposter fairly often. Another link was found between neuroticism and imposter syndrome in the studies.

People that have a strong Fear of Failure

It is natural for all of us to feel a bit apprehensive when we are taking on new challenges. In some people, this manifests itself as a strong fear of failure. People that have tried new things and failed a lot in their past can develop this.

If you are someone that fears failure a lot of the time then you are very likely to experience imposter syndrome. This can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety which are no good for your health. You need to take steps to overcome your fear of failure.

Have you Experienced Discrimination or Bias?

Anyone that has experienced discrimination or bias because of their gender or race for example, can be more prone to suffering from imposter syndrome. Even if you have not personally experienced any bias or discrimination, just knowing that other people have can cause you to start feeling that you do not fit in.

It is an unfortunate fact that stereotypes have formed over many years for certain situations. This can be really prevalent in the workplace for example. If you do not feel that you belong for whatever reason then you are likely to feel like a fraud. When this becomes a regular thing then you are definitely experiencing imposter syndrome.

Imposter Syndrome is in your Head

The reason that absolutely anyone can suffer from imposter syndrome at any time is that it is all in the mind. This is both a good and bad thing. Imposter syndrome starts with negative thoughts that will not go away about you not being good enough or not belonging.

Why is this good news? Well, you are in control of your thoughts. If you experience negative thoughts about being an imposter then you can neutralize them with positive thoughts. In fact, mastering thought control is one of the most effective things that you can do to overcome imposter syndrome. It will also help you in many other areas of your life.

How To Keep Imposter Syndrome At Bay

 How To Keep Imposter Syndrome At Bay

You have worked hard to overcome imposter syndrome and after a while you start to experience imposter feelings again. Accept that this may happen to you. It is normal for people to experience feelings of being an imposter sometimes. What you need to do is to ensure that the imposter syndrome does not return. Here are proven ways to keep it at bay.

Identify what is Causing the new Imposter Feelings

As you have overcome imposter syndrome once, it should be relatively easy for you to identify what is causing imposter feelings again. Even though you have put a great deal of time and effort into overcoming imposter syndrome, you can never 100% guarantee that it will never return.

When you are able to identify what caused these new imposter feelings you will be able to attack the root cause of the problem. Maybe you still have a limiting belief that you couldn’t completely eradicate the first time around.

Validate the Insecurity

You may be experiencing feelings of insecurity because you are not sure what you need to do to tackle a problem. This is often the case when you are taking on a new challenge. What you need to do here is to validate whether this is just a natural feeling or imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head again.

Take the time out to analyze the situation properly. What kind of thoughts did you experience? Were the feelings that you experienced similar to those that you did with imposter syndrome? It may take a bit of time to figure this out but it is definitely something that you need to do.

Become a Thought Control Master

Imposter syndrome is all in your head. When you experience feelings of being a fraud these emanate from a negative thought that occurred. A number of things could have caused this negative thought to come into your head.

The important thing is that you neutralize this immediately with a positive thought. Nothing will help you more with imposter syndrome than being a master of thought control. When you can automatically neutralize a negative thought, you will diminish its power significantly and prevent it from becoming a negative thought spiral.

It is a simple concept to neutralize a negative thought with a positive one but it is not so easy to do. Practice doing this with any negative thought that comes into your mind. With enough practice you will form a new empowering habit and will eventually be a master of thought control.

Use Positive Affirmations Daily

Another effective way to keep imposter syndrome at bay is to create and use positive affirmations every day. Some people think that these are a waste of time but they really work if you create the right affirmations and read them out loud each day.

We recommend that you make the reading of your positive affirmations part of your daily ritual. Keep a copy of your affirmations with you at all times so that you can read them again during the day if the need arises.

Start and Maintain a Journal

Reflecting on your past accomplishments and recognizing the value of them is a good way to keep imposter syndrome at bay. We recommend that you start a journal and record your achievements in this. Include past achievements and update your journal with current achievements too. Reflect on your journal at least once a week.

Effective Techniques For Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

 Effective Techniques For Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

When you want to overcome imposter syndrome it is critical that you use the right techniques to do this. It is not too difficult to overcome imposter syndrome when you know what you are doing. In this article we will reveal effective techniques that you can use to stop having constant thoughts and feelings that you are an imposter.

Accept that Perfection is Impossible

Nobody is perfect in this world. All of us have various strengths and weaknesses and we have made many mistakes and will continue to do this. The best way to deal with the mistakes that you make is to learn from them and then move on.

It is a waste of time and effort to try and deliver perfectionism. You need to change your mindset if you are a perfectionist and accept that something that is good enough is acceptable. Striving for perfection every time will just delay things and in some cases, you will not deliver anything at all.

Focus on time rather than perfection. Time is our most precious commodity and you do not want to waste yours trying to make things perfect. Think about all of the other good things that you can do with the time that you waste on perfectionism.

There is an Imposter in Everyone

Without exception, everyone will experience feelings of being an imposter or not belonging at some time in their life. This is completely natural and is normal when you are taking on any new challenge. You are not sure how you will complete the challenge and this raises uncertainty. Accept that this is a normal situation and remain positive about your life.

Stop Comparing yourself with Others

Something that most people do when they are suffering from imposter syndrome is to compare themselves with others. They do this because they feel it is a good way to confirm that they are not an imposter. In theory this makes sense, but in practice it doesn’t.

Every time that you compare yourself to another person it is very likely that you will discover something about them which they have and you don’t. This is not going to help you to overcome imposter syndrome. In fact, it is likely to make it worse.

Another downside of comparing yourself to others is that it can result in you feeling that you do not fit in. Also, you may have thoughts that you are not good enough because someone else can do something better than you. Just concentrate on yourself. Set yourself personal targets and stop comparing yourself to other people.

Too Much Social Media

These days, people seem to be glued to their smartphones. They cannot miss a notification or their life will not be worth living. We have nothing against social media and welcome it as a great tool. The problem is that it is very easy to get addicted to it.

The problem with social media for those experiencing imposter syndrome is that they are very likely to come across people on there that seem to have a much better life than you. This is usually far from the truth as social media users will often exaggerate things in order to get attention.

Nevertheless, the fact that something is not true doesn’t matter. Even if you know this is the case, you can start to think about your own life and what is missing. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy which will not help. Gradually reduce the time you spend on social media.

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Tips That Work

 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Tips That Work

People that suffer from imposter syndrome often feel that they are trapped and that there is no way out. They believe that they will always experience thoughts of being an imposter for the rest of their life. If you know what to do then this will not be the case. In this article, we will show you tips that work to overcome imposter syndrome.

Talk about the Imposter Syndrome with a Person You can Trust

This is not an easy thing to do if you are suffering from imposter syndrome but it can really help you a lot. One of the biggest fears that people have that believe they are an imposter is being found out. They are therefore reluctant to talk to anyone about it.

What you need to do is to find someone that you can really trust. This will be a person that will not only listen to you and try and help you, but will also be discreet and keep everything confidential. The ideal person would be someone that has experienced imposter syndrome and managed to overcome it.

The reason that talking to someone will help you is that sharing the problem will provide you with a lot of relief. There is an old adage that says “a problem shared is a problem halved” and this is very true.

If you genuinely cannot find a person that you trust enough then you can always turn to the professionals for help. Yes, there will be a cost involved, but this is a small price to pay if it helps you to overcome imposter syndrome.

Identify the Imposter and give it a Name

This may seem a bit crazy at first but it can really work well. It is a great way to provide some distance between you and imposter syndrome. When you next experience a thought about being an imposter, identify which type of imposter that it is and then follow this up with a neutralizing thought.

For example, if you experience a thought that tells you that you are a fraud because you are not doing everything perfectly, you can tell yourself that this is the perfectionist imposter just trying to ruin your day.

Take this a step further by naming the imposter. Say something like “Peter Perfectionist is bothering me again and trying to make me feel like an imposter”. This should make you laugh or at least smile and it will certainly weaken the negative thought considerably.

Learn how to Deal with Criticism

One of the worst things to cope with for a person that is experiencing imposter syndrome is criticism. But criticism is a part of life and it will be difficult to avoid this all of your life. The thing is that there is negative criticism and positive criticism and the latter is a good thing.

If someone uses negative criticism, they are doing this with no foundation. It can hurt you and strengthen your feelings of being an imposter even though it is not true. The best way to deal with this is to treat is as an opinion that is not right.

Positive or constructive criticism is a well-formed opinion that could be worth considering. Usually those that give constructive criticism are trying to help you. Be prepared to take this advice on board if it is valid.

The Imposter Syndrome Self-Test

 The Imposter Syndrome Self-Test

It is very important that you confirm if you are experiencing imposter syndrome or not. Just having some thoughts and feelings about being an imposter now and again is not imposter syndrome. This is a natural thing that the vast majority of people experience.

One of the most effective ways for you to confirm that you are experiencing imposter syndrome is to ask yourself the right questions. Dr Valerie Young identified 5 types of imposters from her research and you can use these as a basis for the questions. This will also help you identify the type of traits that you have related to imposter syndrome.

Questions about the Perfectionist Imposter

A lot of people that experience imposter syndrome develop perfectionist tendencies. There are a number of questions that you can ask yourself to confirm whether you are a perfectionist or not. This is important and you need to answer any questions that you ask honestly.

Some typical questions that you could ask yourself to test for the perfectionist imposter are:

• Do you have a pattern of going over things that you have done many times in an attempt to make them perfect?

• Do you find it hard to accept compliments from other people?

• Do you find that it takes you a lot longer to complete tasks than it used to?

Questions about the Superhero Imposter

The superhero imposter will always accept new work even though they have a lot on at the moment. They believe that they need to work a lot harder than everyone else to prove that they are not a fraud. 

Here are some good questions to test for superhero imposter tendencies:

• Do people think that you are an overachiever?

• Despite working harder and longer hours than everyone else do you still feel that this is not enough?

• Does it make you feel proud that you overachieve?

Questions about the Natural Genius Imposter

The natural genius imposter is very knowledgeable in one subject only. With everything else, they are average at best. A natural genius finds it difficult to explain things and learn new things and will be devastated if their expert knowledge is called into question.

These are good questions to test for the natural genius imposter:

• Do you find it difficult to explain things that you know a lot about?

• Is it difficult for you to learn about subjects that you are not an expert in?

• Do you feel like a failure if you find it hard to understand something new?

Questions to Test for the Soloist Imposter

A soloist imposter is someone that wants to work alone. This is because they do not want to be found out as a fraud. Here are some questions to ask to test for the soloist imposter:

• Are you always looking for projects that you can comfortably work on by yourself?

• Are you reluctant to ask anyone else for help?

• Do you tend to micromanage everything?

Questions to Test for the Expert Imposter

An expert imposter already knows a lot but they feel that they need to learn more. They will often want more training even though they don’t need it or will insist on performing research when this is not necessary. Ask these questions to test for expert imposter:

• Are you obsessed with gaining more and more qualifications?

• Do you always perform research at the start of each new project?

• Do you undervalue all of your previous achievements?

Mind Your Business: Connecting the Dots Life Coaching with Terri Martinez

 

 

 

 

Connecting the Dots Life Coaching with Terri Martinez

Listen to the Mind Your Business: Crown Holders Master Class - http://www.audioacrobat.com/sa/W4sgvfdP

 

  

Terri Martinez is a blogger and author who writes under the pen name Terri D. She published her debut novel titled Yesterday’s Lies in 2011.  Terri has since released four more novels and had a poem published as part of an anthology of poems about love titled Bubblin’ Brown Sugar.  Terri’s most recent release titled, Passport Wife is a memoir. Although she continues to write, Terri is the Program Coordinator for Life Esteem Inc. In this role she coordinates the curriculum and training materials for the parenting programs offered through Life Esteem. She’s an active member of the advisory board and was very instrumental in the opening of the Life Esteem Holistic Wellness Center in December 2017.

 

In June of 2018, Terri started a Non-Profit Organization, A Blessing for You.  Her non profit provides assistance to expectant and new mothers in need as well as providing training and connecting them to other community resources.  Terri is a trained Chaplain assistant, Certified Recovery Specialist and Certified Life Coach.  Terri offers life coaching services in person, via phone or video. Visit the Connecting the Dots Life Coaching website: https://connectingthedotsdiva.com 

 

 

 

CONNECTING THE DOTS: YOUR PATHWAY TO LEARNING TO LOVE LIVING

Read article and listen to Terri's talk about how Learning to Connect Your Dots can help you learn how to love living your life. Read more: http://www.themorningtea.com/2020/03/connecting-dots-your-pathway-to.html

 

 

It’s really about your values.  What is important to you.  What are your goals and aspirations?  Some dots are larger or more important than others.  Some dots change over time, some dots may become less important and die off whereas others may grow in importance in your life.  Our dots are fluid.  As we grow and learn the makeup of our dots change.  Therefore, it’s important to understand how your dots connect.  If you make a change to one dot, you need to understand what other dots might be impacted to be prepared.

 

The larger meaning of learning how to connect the dots became clear to me after taking an early retirement in 2017.  My house was empty and so was my calendar.  I had absolutely no idea who I was anymore.  I hadn’t thought about me and my dots for so long I had completely lost track of them.  I had no clue what they were or how they connected.

 

Since realizing this I have been on a mission to find and reconnect all my dots.  It is a constant work in progress.  Identifying your dots and learning how to connect them closely aligns with holistic wellness concepts.  At the core of holistic wellness are the eight dimensions of wellness.

 

1)      Intellectual wellness is when you recognize your unique talents to be creative and seek out ways to use them.

 

2)      Physical wellness is when you recognize what is necessary to keep your body healthy.

 

3)      Spiritual wellness is related to your values.  Beliefs that help you find meaning and purpose in your life.

 

4)      Emotional wellness is your ability to cope with life and build satisfying relationships with others.

 

5)      Financial wellness is a feeling of satisfaction about your financial situation.

 

6)      Occupational wellness is a sense of satisfaction with your choice of work.

 

7)      Environmental wellness is related to the surroundings you occupy.

 

8)      Social wellness is a sense of connectedness and belonging.

 

 

Once you begin to learn about the dimensions and all of the little things that are inside of each one of them you begin to understand that the key to success or happiness in life is learning your dots, the most important things for you and how they interact, and making decisions about where you want them to be.  This is what I refer to as learning to love living your life.

 

Life coaching is NOT counseling or therapy.  Unlike counseling or therapy, which involve looking back and working through one’s past, Life coaching is about looking to the future and navigating through the present to reach the goals one has set.

 

 

Terri is a trained Chaplain assistant, Certified Recovery Specialist and Certified Life Coach. Terri offers life coaching services in person, via phone or video. Visit the Connecting the Dots Life Coaching website: https://connectingthedotsdiva.com